Darkness to Light
Darkness to Light is a Faith Testimony which is one of the more difficult challenges for me. Because lets face it folks when it comes to God we are all weak, broken and in need. No one is without sin. And a lot of us walked a pretty dark path (I know I did) before we came to the truth. The light that is our Salvation through Jesus Christ. I heard a sermon the other day and the leader said we are just to tell the truth about our testimony. Let God use your words for his divine purpose. We do not have control over who needs it or how it should be used. So here goes…
A Shimmer in the Dark
Darkness to Light
John 3:16 (KJV)
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
The Worlds Fair
I had given my heart to Jesus at the Worlds Fair when I was like 6 or something. I was traveling with my protestant Grandmother who let me go into the tent when I asked her.
Protestant and Catholic
My Grandma W had made sure that I had memorized scripture. There was one in particular that I knew my entire life John 3:16. I had spent a lot of years as a young child going to Protestant Sunday School and Church all summer long. I remember those weeks of Vacation Bible school. We sang songs and made things.
My parents did not attend church but my Grandparents did. We spent every summer with our Grandparents.
I went to Catholic Mass with one Grandmother. Things I remember the Holy Water, the incense, kneeling benches on the pews, a lace scarf Grandma C put on my head and the Latin that I did not understand. There was a childhood relationship with Jesus even though I did not always remember that.
The Shadow Begins
Darkness to Light
1 John 4:1 (KJV)
4 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
The Enemy Stronghold
I now know that the enemy had a stronghold. I remember telling fortunes as early as High School at the lunch table. Treating it like it was just a game. Playing for fun. We had a middle school séance or two trying to conjure up some spirits. We may even have cast a spell or two, played the Ouija (Spirit) Board. Those things were popular at that time in the world as just fun. But I am sure mine was the result of a darker purpose.
There was also an unnatural attraction to anything Occult or demonstrative of the Dark side. I just wanted to know everything, it was like an obsession. What you do not realize when it is happening is that those things were an invitation to the enemy. This gives him the footing that he needs to come into your life. You are opening a door that you are not able to close by yourself.
A 70’s Child
I was a child that grew up in the early to mid 70’s yes I am one of the Boomers as we are called. I was on the shirt tails of the 60’s movement. It was a time with a lot going on we were at the end of the Vietnam War, Woodstock was still revered, Kent State Massacre was still being mourned and what was being elevated or worshiped was a philosophy of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll.
It was easy for me to fall right into the hype having a bit of a broken home life, a lot of anger and what I considered unreasonable pain. Drugs took that pain away. Now was I a drug addict? Not in the physical sense no, but I used them to exist as far as I was concerned.
The Alter of Rage
I was worshipping on the alter of Rage. And I loved my heavy metal music. I called it my Anger Music. And I fell into all the darkness that surrounds it. the darkness consumes all that is around it. As a result of this confusion there are many dark stories. I could tell some about the things that happened to me. All the temptations that I allowed. The temptations which I fell prey to. I refuse to elevate the enemy by elaborating on all of that. Suffice it to say I had my share of pain as a result of those decisions. And we know it is always the case.
Using our Weakness
We are led to believe that these drugs are tools. They are helping us to cope with what we perceive as such a challenging painful existence. Or convince ourselves that this way of life is what it should be. But that is just the enemy doing what he does, using our weakness against us. Filling our minds with lies to manipulate us toward our own destruction. And make no mistake destruction is the only reasonable result when the wrong choices are made.
A Darkness Within
I remember throughout my life there were times when I would feel like darkness was with me. And I would say the 23rd Psalm in my head. I would dwell on a specific line. “Though I walk through the valley in the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me”. In the light of a new day I could convince myself it was just me, my imagination. Things like that were fiction. Yes I knew there was a devil but he is was like Angels. They were beings that people saw in the times of the Old Testament. I believed we did not really see them today.
The Light of the Word
I believe that it was that effort, the Scriptural knowledge that kept me as safe as I was. So many others would fall very far around me. He knew my heart. And though the enemy was trying very hard to bring me all the way over, I was resisting. It was weakly perhaps, but resisting. It was a season that I had to go through to become who I am today.
The Darkness Descends
Darkness To Light
John 8:44 (KJV)
44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
Nightmares Come
Nightmares began to plague me. Being chased, reliving horror movie plots about murder, torture or death consumed my sleep. Discontinuing the movies should stop the unnerving was the logic. The brain is like a computer what you program it with ultimately becomes what you get out of it. So I had begun making some better choices in that regard. But sleep was not going so well. So as always we fall back into old patterns take something to help.
A Dark Visitor
One night a visitor came in a dream. What I understood about the world was about to change. I thought that what you dream was just a dream it could never be real. So, I have a nightmare where the devil appears to me. Yes he is there with me for real and tells me that I am his possession, I belong to him. I am supposed to fall on my knees and deny God or he will make me suffer. I think, something unusual but I might have seen this in a movie or something. He does not look like a monster or anything just normal. But I know who he is. I do not doubt it.
Heart Racing
Apparently somehow he is already familiar to me. My heart is racing and I am afraid. Terrified but then I realize I am dreaming, how bad can it be really. I am one of the lucky ones, that happens to me a lot I realize in a dream that I am dreaming. So, I tell him I do not have to do anything it is just a dream.
Jolted Awake
Then I am jolted awake not sure how. Getting up relieved because that was definitely high in the nightmare scale. I had broken a sweat and put cold water on my face. Reminds me of some of the movies I have been watching. I get something to drink and spend a little awake time before going back to sleep just to calm my nerves. But as I am drifting back to sleep I can see him, a dark figure standing there in the distance in my minds eye.
Still in a Dream
As soon as I am sufficiently asleep he approaches me again and the words that come out of his mouth change my perception of reality forever. He is standing in front of me looking at me and says, “So, you thought you could get away from me that easily. Oh no, you belong to me. There is no one who can help you now!” I was sweating, trembling all over.
The Enemy is a Liar
Have you ever been in a panic situation in life. Your mind is racing at one thousand miles an hour. I can only say thank you to my Grandparents for giving me access to the weapon to defend myself. And I thank Jesus for the rest of my life. I had the strength to overcome the fear, to stand up for myself and to know he was a liar. Proclaim that I belonged to Jesus Christ who died on the cross for my sins. I cried out to God to forgive me, to help me and suddenly I was awake again.
The Enemy is Real
Talk about a rude awakening. I don’t know what else to say, something real had happened to me. Suddenly the reality of what had taken place sunk in, I was devastated. It is all real, the Spirit world is real it is not just something we read about in the Bible. Angels and Demons from the Bible are really around us, walking next to us, with us. It was a new perspective and quite frightening to conceive.
A Light through the Darkness
When I would get to a point where I did not think that I could go on now something would happen. Or began dark thoughts about ending my life it was like a hand would come down through the darkness. It would grab hold, stand me back up and push me forward one more time. But did I respect that yet, No I did not. I would fall right back into the old ways. Maybe not as far back, but back none the less again and again.
Reaching for the Light
Darkness to Light
James 4:7 (KJV)
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
On the Fence
My Grandma was trying to talk to me, pleading with me. She kept saying you are on the fence. Jesus will come to you He is trying to reach out to you. He is knocking on the door but you have to let Him in. If you do not act one day He will stop knocking. You need to make that commitment now before that happens bring peace to your life. She was praying hard for me.
However, I wanted to commit. But I did not think after everything that I had done that I could ever be worthy. I did not think that I could change enough as I had tried so many times. It was all up to me. And I did not have the strength of will. I had already demonstrated that so many times. And I am not sure that I wanted to yet.
Voice in my Head
I could hear that voice in my head. It was telling me about all the things that I would have to give up. Reminding me of the things that I wanted. Those things that would be out of bounds if I tried to walk the path. Telling me I could not survive without my crutches like drugs and alcohol. But I started taking tiny steps in that direction. I memorized some of the Catholic Prayers. And I would chant them when I felt tempted about something. Especially if I knew I should not do it but wanted to. It was a superficial relationship beginning, not a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, but it was a beginning.
A Radio Ministry
I started listening to a Protestant Pastor on the radio on my drive to work every day and began to look forward to hearing what he had to say to me today. Because he was clearly talking directly to me a lot of the time. (Shout Out: Thank you to Pastor Greg Laurie @ Harvest Ministries). This went on for a long time, still was not in Church but started to watch random TV ministries, started praying the Lord’s Prayer every night before bed. Sometimes sleeping to Mass on the Catholic TV Channel @ EWTN.
Baby Steps Forward
The enemy was not happy, the voices in my head were screaming at me all the time now. They said that I was stupid to think that he would want me. I had done so many bad things in my life I would never be forgiven or accepted by the Christians. I was reminded of all the bad experiences I had in my past with the body of Christ. But I kept moving forward in baby steps. I do not kid you when I say it took almost two decades. But I walked all the way up to Jesus and lay down my life. There was apparently a very stubborn resistance.
Gods House for Comfort
I remember one influence in particular. There was a Faith Testimony from the radio Pastor for whom I had a lot of respect. There was information that the Pastor had lost his son in an accident. My heart broke for him. I heard him say that everyone told him he did not need to come to church on Sunday. He should take time to mourn the loss. But he said he could not think of a place that he would rather be especially that day. Than in God’s house with the Lord.
It Still brings tears to my eyes when I think of it. As he preached that sermon his voice would crack here or there and there was a sniffle. However, he stood firm in his belief and his comfort was with the Lord. He said he did not know why it had happened but he had to believe that there was a purpose. He was somehow able to accept it as God’s will. I was so moved by what he did. I began to give some serious consideration to what he had said. It was intriguing how he viewed things. I began to follow his teaching more closely for a time.
A Shining Beacon of Light
Darkness to Light
Ephesians 1:7 (KJV)
7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;
On My Knees
Then eventually, there came that day when I dropped to my knees alone in my house. I told Jesus that I was broken. That I had tried everything I knew to do to fix it. But I had run out of options. That If he would take me I would give myself to him. And he could make something new in me. I asked him to use me as he saw fit. That I was willing to be as he led me to be. Something happened at that moment and the tears were streaming down my face. Suddenly I felt a peace come over my life like I had never known before. And it is with me still.
Public Declaration
We all know in the Body of Christ that a public declaration is required. I accepted a call, in Church, and was Baptized again after my private declaration. I started going to Church regularly for a few years. Learning the wonders of Contemporary Christian Music. It was something I did not have when I was young. And worship through music was particularly exciting to me. Church had changed a lot since I had been there.
Still Not Perfect
I cannot honestly say that I have kept that one up completely. And I have no excuse other than I am tired all the time with some health issues. And yes, I know that Church is required and I am working toward that again soon.
It is so hard to be completely honest sometimes. You want to make yourself look perfect when you put yourself out there like this. But we are not perfect even with the Spirit within. We are all just sinners who have been forgiven.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
The Awakening
Ok, now for a grand finale. So, I am saved and the peace has come, I go to bed that night and sleep a deep sleep. I wake up in the morning and everything has changed. My opinions on things have changed. I am a different person? It was like suddenly I understand some stuff I did not before. I feel things I did not before. In conversations I hear my own words from the past coming out of the mouths of other people. And I know that they are wrong. There is no doubt or hesitation on particular things. Topics that I might have agreed with yesterday are changed…
ProChoice to ProLife
I used to be prochoice for example. My whole life I was an advocate of a woman’s right to choose. A woman’s right about what she wanted to do with her body. Abortion had been something I thought she should have the right to decide. Oh no! What a fool I had been! I suddenly knew that this was a horror. That killing the baby was so dark and heartless. I could not believe I did not recognize that before. And I honestly did not recognize it. I say that with a deep sadness. A sadness for so many who will be hurt by the enemies perceptions. So many who will be influenced.
Dark Influences Apparent
Another example, my love of what I considered harmless fiction in the genre of Horror, Science Fiction and Fantasy. My love of all things Vampires, Werewolves, Mummies and the like. My movie and book collection of things like Harry Potter, Dracula, or authors like Edgar Allen Poe & works of Ann Rice etc.. I had always believed that because it was fiction and was not real it was OK to pretend. The darkness within these things is so evident, this is something that I would not have agreed to before. Now suddenly I can feel something about them.
I will not say that my love of those things has changed, it has not. It is still a temptation today, but it becomes a battle against a darkness to keep the light. Those items had to be removed from my house.
Disgusted with Television
Network television, suddenly I did not want to watch the Violence, Gore and the Sex in everything on TV. I had not noticed the level to which it was there before. But wow I could hardly get through a program on most of the channels without something dark.
I am sorry Charles. When he told me that the TV was the Devil when I was young I thought he was just a crazy Jesus Freak. How single minded a thought TV was the Devil. I now understand what he was trying to say though he had not expressed it clearly.
We decided to remove the movie channels from our cable subscription. Most of the people in my house do not turn the TV on that much. I do and now I restrict what I am willing to watch. I never noticed how often the Lord’s name is taken in vain. Sit down one night and watch Primetime TV networks for a few hours. And count how many times you hear it. It will shock you. I never used to even hear it. Now there is a sadness to what I hear and see.
Clarity in Scripture
As time continues to move forward there are new things I see all the time. The more I study the scripture the more things become clear. I remember several years ago I was listening to a CD of the new testament. I listened every day on my commute back and forth to work. (My working hours changed. So I could no longer enjoy the radio ministry I had listened to before on the commute).
Something interesting happened During the time I was hearing the Sermon on the mount. My daily luncheons with friends would somehow involve topics that I would see scriptural relevance to add to the conversation. Not always popular I might add but relevant to what they were saying. I had no idea where the river flowing from me was coming from. How could I be applying the scripture to ordinary topics of conversation. These were not Biblical conversations going on but discussions about peoples lives. Clearly God used me to spread his word.
Matthew 10:20 {KJV}
20 For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.
The Light Remains
Darkness to Light
Another Like Me
Well that is a Short summary of my walk through the Darkness and into the Light, my Faith Testimony. I don’t know if anything in here helps you. But if it does not it simply means this one was not the one intended for you. I went to dinner with a friend of mine from before. And I was telling her about what had happened to me. She was following what I said rather intently. We used to have some fun together in the old days. There was something she said to me that day that justifies for me what I am trying to do here. She said she had been thinking of going to church but had hesitated to go. But if I could go then she could go. I reassured her that yes she definitely could go.
Self Doubt
It just sounded so familiar that self doubt. And the enemy in your head screaming you are not worthy, they would never accept you. Understanding exactly what she was experiencing. And I am so glad that I was able to help clarify it for her. I have much more to say about the miracles that God has worked in my life. Much more to say and proof that he is here but those are topics to come.
Let me end here with something I want you to think about. No matter what you have done in your life. No matter how bad things have been or not been for that matter. There is a place God has held for you in the Heavenly kingdom from before you were even born. So, all you have to do to claim it is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Follow His teaching and receive eternal life. Once you tell Him and really mean it, He will guide you the rest of the way…
For The Love of God,
Sparks
