Faint Whispers
Sometimes what I believe about what has happened to me, what God has done for me, is a bit controversial because there are so many schools of thought about who God is and what God does. I can only tell you my story of the Faint Whispers and you have to decide for yourself.
Is Something Wrong?
Faint Whispers
Job 4:12 (KJV)
12 Now a thing was secretly brought to me, and mine ear received a little thereof.
Mothers and Daughters
I had somewhat of an estranged relationship with my mother and her side of the family from the time I was about eighteen years old. It is a long story and not really the topic here so suffice it to say I did not have much knowledge about my family medical history.
Fibrocystic Disease
I personally had a history of something called fibrocystic disease which in summary is simply these fibroid tumors that form in the female breast tissues. It had taken me through a lot with it because they had to needle biopsy every time a new one appeared. I had like seven tumors on one side and five on the other. I was no stranger to those needles. But one day I became aware of a new one. I recognized a difference in the others. Firstly, this one did not hurt at all. The fibroids were tender and caused discomfort but this new one, nothing. This new one was hard like a rock. The fibroids were a bit squishy. Still I was not looking forward to yet another needle biopsy so I decided there was no hurry in getting it checked out.
Baseline Mammogram
Well like a good little patient I had my baseline screening mammogram at thirty-five years old as my insurance company had recommended. After all my mother had been a nurse and I was familiar with the medical protocol. Because I was not large the mammogram was just a little uncomfortable due to the fibrocystic disease. Not really painful like some of the larger women had experienced. So the baseline was on record.
Something Different
The lump seemed to grow very quickly, within about six weeks it was large enough to see on the surface of my chest. It was sticking up above the skin line like a little marble was in there. My friends were urging me to go to the doctor and I had to agree with them.
Referred Diagnostic Mammogram
So I made the appointment and went in to see my doctor. He did the usual needle biopsy but this time no fluid at all. This was different but not necessarily a concern. He sent me for something called a diagnostic mammogram and I was now thirty-seven.
The First Clear Message
Faint Whispers
The First Faint Whisper
They told me to go and get my baseline mammogram record for comparison from the X-Ray facility and bring it with me. I remember when I went to pick it up sitting there waiting. The Tech that brought it down to me told me a story about how she had been so lucky to have a baseline. Because her new lump was positive for breast cancer. I could hear her talking and see her mouth moving but it was like I was somewhere else. Something was wrong again, I could feel that something was happening and this was a confirmation. What was the chance that she would be discussing this with me right at this moment.
Just a Cyst
Following the diagnostic test I was assured it appeared to be a cyst. Cancer did not grow that aggressively it was slow growing. He said the surface of the lump appeared like a cyst and they recommended that we wait three months and see if it resolved itself. At that time there was a lot of negative attention about what they called unnecessary surgeries.
Joshua 1:9
9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Something is Not Right
Faint Whispers
Another Faint Whisper
I should have been content at that point but I would wake up in the night feeling agitated. Something was wrong. It was like someone was whispering to me, warning me. I kept thinking it is cancer they are wrong. Something is bad wrong and they are not looking. I remember I was talking about it on my smoke break at work. My friend and I had been discussing what I had gone through and she said if you feel that strongly go back to the doctor. But as usual I did not yet trust my feeling I thought I was just being paranoid.
Still Getting Larger
So we reach my three month mark and the lump is not resolving itself it is actually continuing to get larger. Still not a symptom of cancer in the traditional sense. There is a mix up and they don’t show my follow up appointment so I can’t get in to see the doctor for another few weeks.
Just Take it Out
So now I am at four months. We discuss it and the surgeon says well I could say lets give it a few more months and see. I am not ok with this I am fighting back something is definitely wrong and if it still growing we can just take it out.
I kept telling them that something was wrong I wanted it out. They had been pushing back making me wait but things were not resolving. I told him again, I think something is really wrong here. He gives in and says that he can justify removal with the insurance company now they should not push back this time.
Surgery Scheduled
He schedules the surgery to remove it. In the hospital following my surgery he is so confident that everything is fine he tells me in front of my sister and friends that it was just a cyst all is ok. He is sending it off for a biopsy but he does not expect to find anything he will have the results back in a week. So now my family and friends are all relaxed everything is ok. In the morning waking up with the agitated feelings, the warnings something is wrong. I know something is wrong.
The Confirmation
Faint Whispers
Already Knew
It was finally the end of the week. It is the day I am to get the stiches out and get my results. Of course everyone except me is convinced everything is ok so no one is going with me to the doctor to get the results. It is just routine remember. Everyone thinks so except for me. I wake up knowing what he is going to tell me. I get dressed and go in expecting the news. So the first thing he says to me is I have some news that I don’t think you are going to want to hear. I looked up at him calmly and told him I already knew a long time ago. I just could not get anyone to listen. He stopped looked at me and said yes you did didn’t you, I believe that. The Faint Whispers were a warning…
Breast Cancer
It was breast cancer. Apparently, the cancer was being encapsulated in a cyst by my body. It was trying to protect itself. But because we waited so long trying to let the cyst resolve itself the cancer had grown and broken through the surface of the cyst.
It was now malignant. I had cancer on the margin or exterior of the cyst. This meant it could have spread outside of the cyst creating a need for the radiation, chemotherapy combination and a good chance that it had spread to another part of the body.
Cancer Inside a Cyst
The doctor was now overcompensating worried I assume about things like malpractice and such. His communication to me was a long and reasonable explanation about why they could not have known or anticipated that there was cancer inside the cyst. I stopped him and put him at ease, indicating that part did not matter it was a matter of what we do now. No playing the blame game for what clearly was disease. there is no guarantee that three or four months would have made any difference. I was not looking for a payoff or anything. We had a long road ahead.
Lymph Node Removal
We decided on a treatment plan I now had to go through another surgery because normally they remove the lymph nodes at the time the lump is removed but because of my circumstances I have to go under the knife a second time.
Some Light Humor
I did decide to have some fun with him at that appointment. I asked him if I decided to do a mastectomy could I have an augmentation at the same time? He looked at me very sternly saying that I was not taking it seriously but soon realized that I was being playful to break tension. So he responded in kind that well since I was substantially smaller than the smallest implant available then yes he thought that was a possibility. We laughed at his joke together and proceeded from there.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (KJV)
16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Whispers A Warning
Faint Whispers
Claim the Healing?
Now there are ministries out there who do not believe that we are warned about illness by the Spirit. Because these things are primarily consequences of sin and according to one in particular, whom I respect but don’t necessarily agree with on all points, we have been given the power to be healed we need only to claim it.
Faint Whispers a Warning
However, there is no way that anyone can convince me otherwise. That feeling something was wrong, that agitation in the night was a divine intervention to save my life. I had a purpose that was not yet fulfilled so I was warned in what I am calling Faint Whispers. It was telling me that something was very wrong, telling me not to listen to everyone around me, giving me strength to fight them and force them to do the surgery they wanted to keep postponing. Even telling me through my interaction with the X-Ray lab tech what was wrong with me. These things are not a coincidence they are the divine intervention of the Holy Spirit in my life even before I knew the extent of what was possible.
In God’s Hand
I had to be warned a second time because I did not continue to treat over the years that followed. Long story short my cancer doctor left the city and I never transferred to anyone, I never had any follow ups anyway since they did not find if it had spread.
Insurance a Nightmare
With the way that the healthcare was changing the doctors no longer could keep track since they did not keep the same patients for extended periods due to the way the PPO and HMO plans were administered through employers.
No More Followup
I just did not continue to have the mammograms or see doctors because well it did not help me the last time. That mammogram only complicated the situation.
Another Warning
Faint Whispers
Faint Whispers begin Again
So some seventeen years later I began to hear from everyone around me, how long since you had a mammogram. Odd, I thought after all these years suddenly my primary care doctor asked me, my GYN doctor asked me, two of my friends asked me then when my sister asked me all within a matter of a few months, I knew. Faint Whispers…
Biopsy’s and Markers
I remember praying OK Lord you had to hit me over the head with an anvil but I made the appointment. Sure enough Biopsy One found something irregular in my other breast, Biopsy two put in a marker we had new technology so many years later. However, I chose not to have to worry about that any further. Interestingly enough the results came back that the most recent cancer was NOT related to the previous cancer. I actually got a different kind of cancer the second time. This time the other side. I can only figure that I still had not completed what the Lord had for me to do. So I was led back again to save my life before it had time to progress. I caught it early and made a radical move so no chemo or radiation this time.
Isaiah 40:28-31 (KJV)
28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. 29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. 30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: 31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
God’s Love and Mercy
Faint Whispers
My Obedience Saves Me
I am sure that God loves us and cares for us. He took the time to see that I was warned to make me as safe as I would let him make things. The secret to all this is that free will thing again. There are rules set out in the Bible about what we have to do to enable ourselves to be assisted. I did not understand and perhaps I am still not sophisticated enough in my understanding to allow myself to be healed. I do however, believe that I have been warned through the Faint Whispers yet again even if those whispers were put into the minds of others to question me. The sound was clearly a voice from above telling me to act and my obedience to that is what saved me again.
Nothing by Chance
Nothing is by chance I do not believe that all those people just started waking up and wondering hmmm…how long since she had a mammogram? I think it has been awhile I better ask her about that. What do you think? Faint Whispers…
God’s Protection
God is watching me, watching my life. He is protecting where we allow that protection. A living God who wants to love me and wants to know me and you. You do not have to understand everything. If you believe and if you have reached out you are under the protection. I am living proof that I was being protected before I had come all the way over and laid down my life at his feet.
Reaching for God
I had been saved but I had fallen back in the old ways a number of times. I was reaching out to know him but I had not come all the way. But I had come far enough in my journey to hear him. What a tragedy it would have been if I had not heard the Faint Whispers trying to tell me what to do, what was going on. Think about that for a moment. Is it possible there are words that you have not heard?
Isaiah 54:10 (KJV)
10 For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.
If you have not accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior do it now. If you tell him and really mean it he will guide you the rest of the way. Give your life to the Living God and you will find peace in this world.
For the Love of God,
Sparks
